How long is forever ?

I think it’s not about crossing milestones always, it’s more about the journey. It’s about taking a long deep breath. Sitting down on a bench in a quiet park, bathe in the moment before moving on. Like I always feel I am rushed into something. Almost always. My inner self doesn’t reach me. It seems faint, far and a little distant. I am completely ruled by my apprehensions. Such amazingly strong feelings. Its close proximity.

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Rains And Ruins.

W ords should not be kept for later because they thrive on mood and my mood is nothing less than a pendulum, so I thought I should pen it down. It's not Monday today but I still got the blues. When I say blues, I literally mean the bluish tone in my otherwise curtain-coloured reddish room, along with the pretty melancholic climate. I hate the dark clouds that get clogged in the sky refusing to pour in, but I love when it finally rains. It's like the clouds have vented out their long-held pain. It feels liberating and very refreshing. I don't quite feel like working in this climate, rather I would be sitting on my terrace, watching the rain, sipping tea (which I am doing even now to avoid falling asleep on my laptop). But the sad truth is I can't go up on my terrace, not at least for the next 2 months, the renovation works are going on and I badly miss the only beautiful, picturesque location in my house. The staircase bricks are cracked to build newer ones and there...

CAPTIVE

I hate the cold. I hate the numbness. I hate the dampness that covers the window pane. But today you could say I was all blinded by the freezing intensity. My naked body crave to be touched… a gentle tap to stir me up. I am not used to this nudity, but it matters less when the soul seems shrouded and stiff as stone. How can I feel so unbelievably numb yet be crying so profusely deep in? I try to lift my body only in vain for I feel some one’s still there on top of me. My fingers part way, I feel them shivering. They run through the glass pane gently moving the mist. A glance out scanning the cold world, and I catch a pleasing sight of a woman, brushing her child’s hair. Her fingers gently going through the curls and her lips quietly moving. It should be that special song. The song that pours out the peace of a mother’s heart. Mother used to sing me one, rock me in her lap. I wasn't a baby then… still it was sweet, the only lovable bits of my broken childhood. My eyes are strain...

This is Where I Belong.

I am here today, dawdling back on the days, hours, minutes and seconds, that haven’t paused to wait for me to heal, that have drifted past as I remained still in the same place, reminiscing the numbness as I walked out your door. The tangible and the intangible cascade of feelings that I grew out of, explains just how inexplicable it’s always been with you, and always will be. Sometimes, I wonder what went wrong , how much of myself I left in you, and in the wake of us. It had never been like a perfect narrative, but it wasn’t all shortcomings and flaws! Trust me, you were the person I wanted to plunge into the future with. To get strange, sad, beautiful and sometimes a little gross. It was never about settling down but more fondly about taking off with you, to new adventures, horizons and life. But now, I no longer want to go back in time and love you harder. I don’t belong in there and this is my knowing that life goes on. There is more to life than just chasin...

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