Skip to main content

This is Where I Belong.


I am here today, dawdling back on the days, hours, minutes and seconds, that haven’t paused to wait for me to heal, that have drifted past as I remained still in the same place, reminiscing the numbness as I walked out your door. The tangible and the intangible cascade of feelings that I grew out of, explains just how inexplicable it’s always been with you, and always will be. Sometimes, I wonder what went wronghow much of myself I left in you, and in the wake of us. It had never been like a perfect narrative, but it wasn’t all shortcomings and flaws!



Trust me, you were the person I wanted to plunge into the future with. To get strange, sad, beautiful and sometimes a little gross. It was never about settling down but more fondly about taking off with you, to new adventures, horizons and life. But now, I no longer want to go back in time and love you harder. I don’t belong in there and this is my knowing that life goes on. There is more to life than just chasing someone who does not want to be in yours.

But I want you to know, that it’s all good between us. It all happened so that I could be here now, where I truly belong. Where I am meant to be. 


And I also want you to know that my definition of belonging is not necessarily a promise of forever or poetry. Not anything that comes with terms or conditions. Not even looks that’s hard to resist. It’s more about making me feel that I belong. It’s having to choose you through every twist, temptation and every bump in the road, and fully appreciating the stories I tell, the dramatic pauses I take and the faces I make. Its realizing the unexplored and unusual life beside me. Its realizing I am worthy of love and to be loved. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Rains And Ruins.

W ords should not be kept for later because they thrive on mood and my mood is nothing less than a pendulum, so I thought I should pen it down. It's not Monday today but I still got the blues. When I say blues, I literally mean the bluish tone in my otherwise curtain-coloured reddish room, along with the pretty melancholic climate. I hate the dark clouds that get clogged in the sky refusing to pour in, but I love when it finally rains. It's like the clouds have vented out their long-held pain. It feels liberating and very refreshing.  I don't quite feel like working in this climate, rather I would be sitting on my terrace, watching the rain, sipping tea (which I am doing even now to avoid falling asleep on my laptop). But the sad truth is I can't go up on my terrace, not at least for the next 2 months, the renovation works are going on and I badly miss the only beautiful, picturesque location in my house. The staircase bricks are cracked to build newer ones and there...

Love demands chaos.

You know there is always this little scar inside all of us. You are sensible enough to realize it wouldn’t stop with that single scar, but still you crave to keep it. The tiny scar that ships your love. It isn’t weird that you would sound crazy about this. Like you only picture it when you think he should be the one who makes that one long divine kiss of yours true. How it feels to know you are in a crowd until he looks at you. How he moves you and never let you forget your curves, the way he touches you and kisses your fingertips. Alas to let every women in the universe know you are with him. And he is yours. I say it with such conviction because I have felt it, lived with the scar. And never in a billion of the past memories have I felt something like it. And I am way over thinking it. Do I deserve the pain? No. Would it break my heart? Yes. But I just got to do it. You ask me for a reason. There are not many. It is only because my heart chose you. And eventually it has to be you...

Denied Pleasure.

Once upon a time in la la land... I had some peace of mind (if you can call it that). If peace of mind meant sleeping peacefully most of the time, ignoring all the coldness, denying all good vibe quotes and recreating my version of the same …then yes, I had peace of mind. Music and ladoos were more than enough to make up for every lack I had in my life. I was happy. I can't say that I am 'sad' now, but I am definitely not at 'peace'. Sleep seems to have broken up with me completely, but somehow I wanted my nights and days to be longer despite that. Why? Because this was probably the only time when I would be able to talk to him, help him untangle his crazy mind. I close my eyes every time to conjure up images of him. The way he smiles, the way he frowns, the way he lays his hands casually on his steering wheel, the way he secretly looks at me through the rear view mirror, And his scar OMG... I can’t express how badly I am in love with his scar. I could admir...